I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Boobs speak an international language.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
