I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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