last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
