Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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