Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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