I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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