These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
