he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So apparently I’m into choking now
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