Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
