Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
