when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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