don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
