At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
