DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
