She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
