You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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