Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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