Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My balls are so social today.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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