did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
