What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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