covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
