He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
