i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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