no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
