I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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