I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
