Me too!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
