so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Randomize
