Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
