There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just invented taco cereal.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
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