I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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