It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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