let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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