when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
