I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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