Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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