You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
