I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
