i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
How external is "for external use only"?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
