don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
