Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
