I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
