just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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