that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Randomize
