You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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