Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
