don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
