Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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