hell yes lets make some ravioli
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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