McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize