Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
