Jerry, you need to find god
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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