wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
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Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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