the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
