Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
