Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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