Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
