Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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