Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
