Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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