I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
