At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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