Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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