i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
