is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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