Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
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We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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