so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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