Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
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You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize