he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
