Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
