My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
