So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
